There’s nothing naturally wrong with being friendly or kind to someone. It is a valuable trait that we admire, but it can also be something we do to avoid disappointing others or pressuring ourselves to live up to an ideal image.
Most people who like to please others consciously choose to do this because they are afraid of upsetting others. As much as it is an excellent way to avoid conflict, it will leave you feeling drained and sad in the long run.
It’s hard to stay true to yourself when you’re constantly changing your actions and words based on what you think others want.
When you shift your focus and energy on pleasing other people rather than focusing on providing yourself and happiness, you will develop low self-esteem, feel like there are too many expectations of you, and have poor coping skills.
Below are four tips that will enable you to avoid being a people-pleaser, love yourself, and be more comfortable with yourself:
1. Do not try to fit in. Always remember that being real to yourself is the most important thing. Stop doing things just to show you’re worthy in someone else’s eyes. Stand by what you know is good for you.
- If someone asks you to do certain things that go against your principles, remain firm in doing what is right.
- It shows that you are tough enough to handle things that come your way. Don’t impress everyone by changing your personality. You will gain respect from people when you’re yourself.
2. Learn to say “NO”. Sometimes those who want to please people find it hard to say “no”. It is important to learn to say “no,” and that it is okay to do so. Say “no” if someone asks you for something you don’t want to do or can’t do, or if it is something you can’t handle.
- You do not have to say “yes” to every request someone makes if you can’t do it or it does not serve you any purpose. Just remember saying “no” doesn’t mean you are being selfish when you need to. You are looking out for yourself.
3. Set healthy boundaries. People-pleasers are usually oblivious to the limitations they need to set in their lives. But you must notice what is happening and observe things that need to change. It may seem difficult at first, but it is possible.
- Create a list of the things you do that make you feel uncomfortable or used, and class them in order of significance with the most important items on top. This simple technique can allow you to stay true to yourself without feeling the need to please everyone.
- Having boundaries will enable you to say “no” when someone takes advantage of your time. It doesn’t make you selfish, but you are confident enough in who you are that you know it’s okay not to concede to someone’s requests all the time.
4. Spend some time alone. Learning to spend time by yourself is necessary for your mental and physical health. Many of us are afraid of being alone because we worry that we will become lonely, bored, or uncomfortable.
- These ideas come from a modern society with its hyper-connected world that doesn’t always favor us.
- You don’t need to worry about what others will think about you while you’re enjoying the solitude when you are. Spending time alone can help you discern your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
- It can also help you realize what makes us happy and what doesn’t. Knowing yourself better helps you make excellent decisions for yourself, set the proper boundaries, discover your purpose, and remain focused on your goals.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but you can’t make everybody happy, and you can’t please everyone all the time. Everyone’s needs are different, so being a certain way to please one person may not please someone else. Instead, stay true to your authenticity, and those who like you for who you are will always appreciate you.